Once upon a time in the African
kingdom of Mzansi lived a notorious unruly sovereign named Jacob. The king and
his Acclaimed Nkandla Court (ANC) took from the rich and ignored the poor. They
beat up the defenders and hailed the traitors.
One day in December, King Jacob
consulted his advisor Mac and his skivvy Gwede to discuss how the king would be
able to double his public ratings socially. Mac implied that reverse psychology
usually works, especially on the vulnerable. Jacob, believing that he was wise
went to his magic mirror in the hopes that the mirror would sympathise and fall
for the trick he exclaimed; Mirror, mirror on the wall, who’s the biggest twat
of them all? The mirror jumped at the opportunity and said; Yoh, Wena! Where do
I start? There’s Mthethwa and Gigaba, Angie and Sisulu, Neledi and Brown, all
disappointments, but not worth a frown. I have to say King Jacob, the twat that
I see. Yes it’s you that’s the biggest twat and that you’ll always be.
King Jacob was so upset; he called
Madam Mbete, the speaker of the court to deal with the mirror. As she came in
all guns blazing, she forced the mirror to withdraw. Unfortunately the mirror
cannot lie. Full of anguish and frustration, she felt powerless so she
telephoned the police…
Meanwhile, King Jacob called for
a private gathering with his Acclaimed Nkandla Court to discuss the matter of
unkind words. Together they ignored the truth and decided to cover it up. So as a means to let off steam, they punished
the tax paying subjects of Mzansi and plunged them into total darkness. They
were dubbed ‘Sovereign Blackouts’. Together they decided to decrease the price
of fuel, but made it unavailable for purchase. They stopped building houses for
the poor to reserve bricks for the king’s palace. The king’s new treasurer
brought double the amount of inflation than ever before. The price of food had soured
and even the middle-class subjects began begging for mercy.
On that same day, a lady in blue
who wasn’t of royalty, but of common soul and mind was making sure that her
democratic court was looking after her subjects in what is known as the Working
Cape. All the happy and free people made good use of the Working Cape. It was
an opportunity to escape depression. It was also the only piece of land that
the king couldn’t destroy.
Zille-rites are the norm as is
known and nobody can defeat this woman of wonders. She brought the colours of
the cape together and ensured her subjects that there will be bread and honey
for everybody. Even the king’s subjects envied the Working Cape’s progress.
They too wanted to enjoy the bread and honey but the cape told them to wait
five years before they can get a taste. The King’s informants were pleased to
see that people in this democratic kingdom have jobs. They were pleased that
children could go to school, that people could live in dignity in the comfort
of their own homes built of bricks. They were pleased that the poor were taken
care of in a way unimagined. The
landscape of beautiful colours isn’t looking as bleak as the rest of Mzansi.
Unfortunately for the king’s informants, such perfection gave them a constant
headache.
As the police arrived at the
scene of the chatty mirror, Madam Mbete stood impatiently in her midst for the police
to dismiss the mirror in a ‘parliamentary fashion’ this concluded with the
mirror’s fate going to ruins. As the policeman lifted his baton, the mirror
spoke for one last time, it said; One day all capes and provinces will see the
light of day and Helen Zille will seize the day. Lest we forget that all good
stories must come to an end, at some point, some way, some day.
The End
No comments:
Post a Comment